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In relationships, usually your significant other will have had their share of ex’s where perhaps some ended on good terms and others on violent terms.
In any case, ex’s are there.
With my given history, there are some ex’s I can actually have a platonic friendship where as other ex’s I do not want to see their unholy faces ever again!
But in any doubt, though, you may hold a platonic friendship with one ex but will it be a comfortable situation with your new significant other? I tend to try to understand my partner’s past history so as to gain a better understanding of who he is.
Still, inherently, I am very much against my partner’s ex’s. Whether they ended on good terms or not is beyond the point. I make my feelings clear on these situations with every partner I was involved with: I trust you, I do not trust them.
Perhaps they felt the same way about mine. But it makes no sense to waste so much time to push away a connection if your significant other is still in contact with their ex.
You learn to trust them more. But having no trust for their ex is a wise choice.
There is one ex in particular of my current boyfriend who is in a unique position because that ex of his used to also be my friend. Yes, in a way that ex of my boyfriend used to also be my good friend. But things turned sour with our friendship where we no longer converse or cannot tolerate hearing each other’s name.
But no worries, I did not steal my boyfriend from my ex-friend. The circumstances were just very unique, that’s all I’ll say for now.
However, my boyfriend insists on still maintaining a somewhat of a connection with his ex, much to my dismay. But I cannot dictate my boyfriend’s actions or choices.
In the end it is his life and I have mine too.
In my side of the relationship, I do not maintain as close connections with my ex’s. In fact, it becomes more about trivial conversations mainly on what is the latest in our lives.
I still have reservations about his ex’s, perhaps just as he does with mine. I have to trust him that he will not act on any feelings he has. This trust is out of respect for him and the admiration I have for him for being a man who displays good integrity. I have a high amount of respect for him and I will not accuse him of fluttering away from the relationship because I know he is not the type to do so.
On my end, it took a large amount of strength to be able to trust him and not act out of a jealous rage. If anything I do get bothered by them and do not like them in general; however, I trust and respect my boyfriend. And I am grateful for him and appreciate him in all honesty.
I trust him because at the end of the day, I know it is I who receives his love and affection. That is his choice.
The term monogamy is simple to define, yet can be the hardest to actually act out.
Society is now coming at a crossroads where monogamy isn’t the standard to strive for anymore in a relationship, but what actually works for you.
Men are always said to be genetically predisposed to be more sexually polygamous than women, but studies have shown that women are just as equally to have extramarital affairs.
Though I’m not going to focus on cheating and affairs for this post, I’m going to focus on the one side of the spectrum for relationships: monogamy.
In my case, I do actually want a monogamous relationship. But that itself is too vague to state. Why? Well recent studies are also hinting at the key to success for monogamous relationships is setting clear, specified boundaries for the relationship with open, safe communication on the parties involved.
I had recently read an article on Huffington Post where relationship therapists recommended asking your partner, “what does monogamy look like for us?”
I read that question and it hit me hard in the face! The question was so simple yet deeply thought-provoking. How do you answer a question so heavy such as this?
Let’s face it. We’re all human, of course there will be others outside the relationship that seem appetizing but it’s how we handle these thoughts and urges that will ultimately say more about us than anything else.
I prefer social, sexual, and marital monogamy. What that means to me is living with my one and only while being faithful to him by giving my body to him and him to me. Marital monogamy is explicitly implied being committed to this one person for the rest of your life, fingers crossed.
I can comprehend and understand people who want open-relationships and open-marriages, but that does not appeal to me. Call me old fashioned, but I really do just want one husband someday.
To me, monogamy means being able to trust your significant other with your life, your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your fantasies, your passion. To me, monogamy is being able to share my body in its most intimate form with only one and no other can be a witness to it. To me, monogamy is recognizing that there will be other people who capture your curiosity but at the end of the day the curiosity goes away because you love your significant other more than anyone else imaginable. To me, monogamy is being able to reject anyone else’s proposals and turn to your significant other with no regrets. To me, monogamy is being vulnerable to my significant other and trusting this person without hesitation. To me, monogamy is being able to turn to your significant other when the relationship is in trouble rather than turning to someone else. To me, monogamy is trust in only one.
But to you, the reader, how do you prefer your relationship?
I wanted to give you something.
It’s a gift!
It’s not much, if anything, it’s almost nothing.
But I know how much you need it.
Everyday I have seen how you try to glue it back together and put more tape on it.
And then it falls apart again. Over and over.
You won’t let me try to hold it since you’re afraid I’ll break it into pieces again.
And that’s more than understandable, actually.
Who wouldn’t be so cautious?
You let your other past loves be in charge of it only for them to abuse it and not care for it at all.
They damaged this and I’m sorry I’m not much help to fix it.
I know I’m not cute, I know I’m not desirable, and I know I’m not anybody’s first choice.
I know there are much better choices out there, I know this because I’ve been told that.
But you’re letting me at least be near you.
I may never be enough, but I want you to have this to replace your broken one.
You can have my heart.
I don’t need it, I want you to have it!
It’s not much, but my heart really knows how to beat to your rhythm.
So please take mine, it’ll give you a chance at a better life.
I know that by me giving it to you means that I won’t have anything.
But that does not matter because I love you and you need it more than I.
Keep it and do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy!
I’ll be okay, knowing I gave you my heart will be enough for me.
I will never ask anything in return or ask for a favor on account of this gift.
And if my heart is not enough, whatever you wish I’ll give it to you. No questions asked.
I want you to feel whole again even if it is at my expense.
So hope you like my gift!
I’m sorry I couldn’t gift wrap it beforehand.”